Vandalism.

Guess who did drugs for the first time.

I haven’t been home in 12 days so, by extension, I haven’t been on tumblr either.

My queue became empty on the 22nd, so I havent posted in 9 days either. 

I lost 30 followers in that time

What have I been doing?

I still go to work as usual, but instead of going to my house I’d go to the one house thats somewhere in Minneapolis, in the midst of all the warehouses. (won’t say where)
And I was very depressed the night i left my house to go to hang out there. The few close friends I have left live there, so we just got drunk and I forgot about my problems. I have never done this before in my life (I’ve drank, but not as a coping mechanism) so the next morning I thought about my problems. I thought that by thinking about them I could fix them. I made a list, in order of most pressing to least, and then I tore the list up and got drunk again because there were no readily available solutions to any of them.

And so began the cycle. I was drunk at least every other day/night, and I spent all my money while I was there. Mistake. Now I’m broke, unfortunately. At least til barfly pays me.
Speaking of which, I sent my boss a message saying I quit because I couldnt get in touch any other way tonight.

Continuing with my alcohol binge

2 nights ago was a sexy party. I got really upset about some bullshit, and then internalized it. And then last night everything came pouring up and out and I was NOT okay and I did MDMA for the first time.

Yikes. Never done a hard drug before.

it was amazing and I had a blast but I was just being a dick and I was annoying everyone most likely, and I was being mean to the people I was mad at which is probably healthy

and it was awesome

until this morning.

I woke up, and I didnt feel anything. Not emotionally, anyhow. I didn’t care about anyone anymore. It was super fucked up because I was completely sober and coherent and I just didnt want to be touched or talked to. I was primarily silent until I left their house for work. On my way to work, I got shaky and sweaty even though i was cold and I was full and hydrated so that wasn’t an issue. I get to work, over the course of the day I sell about $1500 worth of stuff, and I get sent home at 8. My boss said I was acting weird, and asked if I was using. Made up a BS story about how “I only has 2 beers last night and i cant remember anything”. They put the imaginary pieces together and then THEY suggested “maybe you were roofied?!” and they felt really bad and sent me home with best-of-wishes texts. 

I was a complete sociopath today. Everything I emoted was not real. I faked my whole day.

Not going to do Molly again, hopefully. 

And to you, if you’re reading this, and you know you’ve been a major contributor to my personal life being worth less than I am to you, now you know.

1. xotarynnosaurus said: Molly is some really bad shit, man. I’ve heard that story from one too many people. One of my best friends dropped out of college because he felt so apathetic about everything all the time. Things will get better for you - I promise.
2. apipes said: Pussy shit.
3. liamseneca posted this